OCTAVE-the-RAVE

Fear not, fellow bloggers: as far as the contest is concerned, I'm a solid 2/5 to walk on my penguin before it's all over!  As is, you'll note I have yet to get a bleeding nod out of Judge Maven, much less an actual Cheery-o Old Boy!  Still, it was The Maven's observation from last week about the depth-of-quality on the "Big Blog" pages each week that sums it up for me.  With few exceptions, the material on here each week is as good as anything on the Internet, and often better than the stuff in that self-anointed, on-line Turf Authority! 

So ... keep firing, indeed!  I, for one, read every entry; enjoy most; have learned from many; and look forward to more.

As for mine this week, Judge Whitey has thrown-down the gauntlet, and summarily demanded a finish-up, albeit in "Cliff Notes!"  Since brevity has never been my strong-suit, His Carcharodoncarchariasness will just have to earn his exorbitant Judge's stipend again this week!  Here, then, are the TOP 3 changes I'd make if I had a chance to be Commissioner for a Day.  As cautioned, mon ami, hold onto your Cheese Steak!

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#3:  BAN TURF COURSE MOWING - I find few anomalies in our sport more witless than American racing's love affair with manicured turf courses!  I'm not exaggerating when I tell you the turf courses in Florida are mown closer than the fairways at Mirasol.  And why?  Because they look nice on TV!!!  Never mind that a 2-minute cloud-fart cancels turf racing for 3 days.  The important thing is they look pretty!!!  To me, it is utterly mind-numbing.  Europe, by contrast, never cancels for rain, because to my knowledge, their turf courses are never mowed.  My understanding is they are occasionally "sheared," a process that strips-away only the top third of the leaf.  (I defer to the reigning American expert on European turf racing, HP's Judge Maven, to confirm/correct.)  In any case, on my TV monitor, they often look like hell.  At times, the grass is so high I can't even tell which horses are wearing bandages.  But do I care?  They're running, aren't they?  They're running because the turf is so thick and lush, and the root systems so full and dense, that a 2-day deluge is akin to a couple of Lite Beers on a steel-worker.  If ever you doubted that racing, at its upper echelons, is a haven for nitwits, you need only contemplate the unbridled absurdity of "manicured" turf courses! 

#2:  LEVY AN EXPORT TAX ON AMERICAN STALLIONS TAKEN ABROAD - No surprise here. I devoted an entire blog to the subject aimed specifically at the Japanese.  A fellow blogger gently remanded my political incorrectness, and informed me that such a tax would HAVE to be global.  Horses**t!  Here's why.  For every American stallion that Sheik Mohammad, Darley, Coolmore, and others collectively have purchased and taken abroad over the past 25 years, the Japanese have pilfered 20.  But what makes this ritual so infuriating ... so mind boggling ... so unbelievably audacious ... is that Japan remains the only country in the world that restricts participation on its home soil by American thoroughbreds!  Can you imagine the balls of a country that owes the very existence of its racing industry to the USA telling us we're barred from competing in their country?  Worse, can you fathom American racing swallowing that load of malarkey all these years?  Nah, racing doesn't need a Commissioner!!! 

#1:  APPOINT JERRY BAILEY "RACING CZAR" - Who better?  He's a visionary.  His leadership single-handedly brought about light-weight body armor and the break-away safety rail.  As Czar, Bailey's rule would be absolute and all-powerful.  His role would be similar to that of the Commissioners of baseball, football, basketball, etc. in that he would appoint an advisory group ... a Board of Directors, if you will ... just like other major sports, made-up of delegates from each of the following: Track Ownership (example: Clint Eastwood); Track Management (Magna); Racing/Owners (Beverly Lewis); Racing/Trainers (Billy Cesare); Gaming/Simulcasting (Rick D'Aunoy); Global Finance (Warren Buffet); Corporate America (Mark Cuban); and the Media (Randy Moss).   The Directors advise the Czar, whose ruling is final.  Unlike other sports, however, all rulings are a matter of public record.  Bailey's appointment is for life, as are the appointments of the Directors.  Salaries, operating budgets, etc. are funded by a .01% percent levy on the gross revenues of every privately-owned/operated facility world-wide generating wagering revenues from the horse racing industry, to include casinos.  No pay, no signal!

How ‘bout that: it's only 5:12 pm!  I still have 48 minutes left in my tenure.  Hmmmmmmmmmmm ... what to do? I know:

"Paris, dear, would you please come in here.  And bring your knee pads.  I need you to polish the Commissioner's seal!"

Like I said: in my dreams!

Octave-the-Rave

I wonder if the guys at Horse Player Magazine ever dreamed when they started this "Big Blog" page that they might actually affect some positive changes in the game?  If today's edition of the Past Performances is any indication, clearly that is the case. 

You might recall some time back an HP blogger wrote a scathing rebuke on the lack of depth and quality of today's PP "Trouble Lines."  The blogger lambasted Equibase/DRF racing analysts as under-qualified, and labeled their "trouble line" information "useless as a handicapping tool."  Well, lo and behold, they must have been listening.  In today's edition of the Past Performances (Mon 7/24), Colonial Downs, 1st race, entry #6 SIERRA HOTEL, his last race "trouble line" reads as follows:

9W avoiding geese @ ¼ pole!

Now THAT'S some seriously worthwhile handicapping information, doncha think?  Granted, as "trouble" goes, avoiding a goose doesn't make SIERRA HOTEL an automatic bet-back like ... for example ... had he been avoiding an alligator!  Still, it beats the heck out of "bumped at the start!"

[Ed. Note: A minor correction.  He didn't actually manage to avoid all of the geese, if you catch my drift!  Ouch, babe!!]

Octave-the-Rave

Breaking News - A Palm Beach, FL blogger was viciously attacked today while sitting at his computer by a rare Great White Judge, thought to be rabid.  The victim, Octave T. Rave, was dragged from his blogasphere by the foam-spewing Judge and tossed about like a rag doll, before finally being thrown under a bus.  Remarkably, the man escaped with only minor injuries.  Meanwhile, authorities are still searching for the rabid Judge, and cautioning bloggers not to leave their blogaspheres until he has been subdued and tranquilized!

Truth be told, His Judgeness, I enjoyed your tirade immensely!  Raising the ire of a man known far and wide as one of the most affable, least vexable free-spirits in all of racing is no easy feat.  Besides, you know what they say: the only thing worse than bad press is no press at all! 

I also have it on deep background that His Holiwhiteness is a die-hard traditionalist? If so, I suggest you take a couple of valiums before reading this next entry.  It's called:

COMMISSIONER FOR A DAY!!

Ever wonder what changes you'd make in racing if you had a chance to be Commissioner for a Day?  I sure have.  In fact, I thought I'd share my TOP 10 LIST with my fellow HP bloggers. I wonder how many of you would agree, disagree, or have even better ideas?  Remember as you read, the criteria is "changes you could make in a day:"

#10:  ELIMINATE DQ'S ALTOGETHER - When racing was at its zenith, race riding was an art, and one of the most exciting parts of the game.  Because most Stewards were ex-riders, inquiries were exceedingly rare, and DQ's ever rarer.  Today, sadly, one of the great joys of the game has been homoginized to a dance recital by a proliferation of Track Stewards who never rode competitively in their lives, and therefore lack the most basic qualification for their position.  Worse, there remains in racing NO CONSENSUS on what constitutes "sufficient reason" for taking-down a horse's number.  As a result, "objections" today are a subjective crapshoot guaranteed not only to cause inordinate delays, but to piss-off some segment of the betting public. I say, "Let ‘em race!"  The caveat to this rule-change would be SUBSTANTIAL INCREASES in the number of days a jockey is suspended for flagrant and/or reckless riding, and THAT would be the Stewards' primary responsibility to the integrity of the sport, not altering the outcome of the wagering with subjective and far-too-often questionable judgment.

#9:  ELIMINATE ALL DRUGS ON 2YO's - No lasix, no bute, no steroids, no amadol, no nothing except simple, traceable antibiotics for infection, thus allowing a young horse's natural immune system to fully develop before assailing it with a buffet faire of pharmaceuticals.

#8:  LIMIT TO FIVE (5) THE NUMBER OF RACES A 2YO CAN RUN - Not my idea.  Jerry Bailey's!  He believes the #1 cause of catastrophic breakdowns in racehorses is over-stressing fragile bones and joints before they have a chance to fully mature.  Anyone care to debate Jerry Bailey????

#7:  MAKE MANDATORY THE LISTING OF THE PRIMARY ATTENDING VETERANARIAN'S (PAV) NAME IN THE PP'S FOR EVERY HORSE AT EVERY TRACK - Also Jerry Bailey's idea, for reasons that should be self-evident to any astute horseplayer, and augmented by #6 to follow.

#6:  EXPAND THE LIST OF LEGAL MEDICATIONS ON HORSES 4&UP - Drugs in racing has been a necessary evil since my dad raced bad-legged LA-breds in the 60's, and racing's tact for addressing the problem hasn't evolved an iota in all that time.  Today, as then, racing allocates only enuf resources to ensure that almost no one gets caught, because there simply are too few horses to keep-up with the endless demand for racing dates. Instead, I'd stream-line the process purely for non-medicinal, hard-core performance enhancers like EPO and clanbuterol, and crucify the offenders.  Currently-banned substances that merely kill pain, loosen joints, and help chronically sore horses continue their careers would be permitted, but strictly reported by the PAV.  Fields would expand appreciably, something racing desperately needs.  The tradeoff, more breakdowns, likely would be tempered by the coming proliferation of "safer" poly surfaces.

#5:  PUT A "TIME-CAP" ON CERTAIN OFF-TRACK WAGERS - It's becoming a damn joke: horses that go into the gate @ 2/1 and cross the wire @ 6/5!  During Gulfstream (and you can watch the tape), I made a nice win bet on a horse named Menu Varnish.  He broke from the gate @ 20/1.  At the top of the stretch and leading, the "20" changed to a "12" (!!!!) right before my eyes!  I wanted to puke.  Simple rule: wagers off-track of $999 or more, or any combination of wagers from the same account holder on any ONE HORSE into any ONE POOL (W/P/S, exacta, etc.) exceeding $999, must be made NOT LESS THAN 2 MINUTES TO POST, or the host track's pools must kick them back to the sourcing outlet.  (Simple program I could write on my Commissioner's Day lunch hour!)

#4:  CHANGE THE TRIPLE CROWN SCHEDULE TO A MONTH BETWEEN EACH RACE - Guess how many 4YO+ horses in the past 20 yrs have run three G1s over a span of 5 weeks?  NONE!  The reason, of course, is because no trainer of sound mind would subject a quality older horse to this kind of abuse.  Why, then, do we continue to do it to the very lifeblood of our sport, our 3YO stars?  Tradition?  Even the most eloquent argument in favor of tradition comes-off as mindless fodder when weighed against the devastating loss to the game of potential superstars like Charismatic, Smarty Jones, and Afleet Alex, never mind the loss of a potential generational miracle like Barbaro.  Enough already!  Three Grade 1s at two-turns and four miles at three different tracks in five weeks in the heat of summer for 30-month old youngsters is INSANITY!

Dang, I'm out of space.  Too bad, cuz the TOP 3 are REAL DOOSIES!  Stay tuned ... unless, of course, you already are calling those guys in the starched whites and butterfly nets out looking for His Greatwhitesharkness to do a twofer!

Octave-the-Rave

As much as I hate using this space to criticize a fellow blogger, in this case it's unavoidable.  I am referring to a recent blog-of-the-week entitled "THE PROBLEM WITH HANDICAPPERS."  For all the useful points contained in the numbered body of the blog, in my lifetime I can't recall a more authoritatively-written piece on the subject of wagering that so completely misses the mark.

The blogger opines in big, capital letters that the problem with horse players is "THEY WANT IT ALL," and advises instead that they "should settle for small victories."  In fact, the exact opposite is true!!! - something every astute horse player should have learned years ago from the most astute and successful horse player of our generation, Bobby Frankel. 

If history is our greatest teacher, who better to learn from than the greatest horse player in history? When asked how a poor kid from Brooklyn got rich betting horses, Frankel said simply, "Bet more when you're hot, and less when you're not!"  (He also said, and I quote: "Limits are for losers!")

The problem with this seemingly simple philosophy is that it flies in the face of human nature.  Most gamblers in general, and horse players in particular, whether $2 bettors or $200 bettors ... when they get on a roll ... when they get ahead ... when they get the house's money in their pocket ... WHEN THEY'RE HOT! ... scale-back on their wagers.  They tighten up!  They don't want to risk giving back their "winnings," so they do exactly what this blogger advocates, and what Frankel avoided like the plague: they "settle for small victory!"

What makes this practice utterly self-defeating, and the blogger's advice so perilous, is this: All of us who gamble regularly -- no matter what our game-of-choice, nor how gifted, astute, informed, and dedicated we might be -- are going to be COLD more often than we're going to be HOT.  That is the immutable, inexorable nature of gaming that Frankel understood so completely.  Because most gamblers do not; because they routinely fail to take advantage of their hot streaks, and instead "settle for the small victory" rather than pouring on the coal and sucking the marrow out of every precious second of those prolonged periods when they're on fire and unstoppable; is precisely the reason why bookmakers live in mansions; and why, over the long-haul, they have absolutely no chance of winning. 

That is not my opinion.  It is the simple, mathematical reality on which billion-dollar casinos are built!

And, finally, I'd be remiss in not taking-up for the one person who drew the most ire as a resulut of this mendacious blog, Judge Whitey's sweet, precious Mother:  Hey Mom, go into the garage and find a clothes pin.  You know, one of those old, wooden ones, like you used to use to hang-up his drawers.  That way, the next time you're in the midst of a hot streak, and you're tempted to share that information with your kiss-of-death, stop-a-freight-train-going-downhill kid, you can clothes-pin your lips shut instead!  

Octave the Rave